Lady of Conviction

A conviction is a set of standards that serve as a springboard for your choices. Being a lady of conviction and having standards, as it relates to the book’s topics, means “avoiding Bozos.”

“Do you think your ideals and standards are too high? Do you feel the pressure to compromise and settle for the generic version of life? Ruth lived in an era that was exactly like modern America. Judges 21:25 describes the era in which she lived: “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” We too live in a culture where it seems that no one fears God and people just “do their own thing.”

Living by your steady convictions can seem…tiresome and pointless, trust me I know! Today, yours and my standards are tested daily and we are pressured to compromise and drop some of standards we set so that we can find Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. I’m going to go off on a tangent right now but in psychological studies and research when people are offered 10,000 dollars but they have to wait 15 years to get it OR get 5,000 dollars and get it right now people choose the 5,000 because it’s immediate gratification. We as a people want it right now! We would rather have the short term benefits than waiting for something better. The same concept applies for Mr. Right. Many women today are willing to settle for a guy who may not care for them or who they don’t truly care for, only because he is there and we have a fear we won’t be able to find anyone else and no one wants to end up alone. Does that seem right to you? What benefits and drawbacks will you have to endure to get Mr. Right (10,000 dollars) instead of Mr. Right now (5,000 dollars)?

In recent events I’ve been asked this question a lot lately: “So what are you looking for in a guy, Laura?”

I’ve answered in two different ways:

1.I’m looking for a guy who is a spiritual leader and has God as #1 in their life.
a.Explanation: A guy who is involved in the church, outreach, striving to be the best they can be; for himself and for the benefit of others.
b.I have felt in past relationships I have been the “spiritual leader”- encouraging the other person to become closer to God to do the right thing etc. This isn’t a bad thing but I want a guy who already has this drive to become closer to God etc. BUT who also can encourage me, learn together, and grow closer to God together-because we both want to; not because they’re being strained to.

2.I’m looking for a good guy. (This one has a bit of explanation)
a.When I meet a guy I hear the same response come out of their mouth many times: “I’m a good guy.” As soon as I hear that, my red flag goes up. If they are truly a good guy, why do they have to tell me? Shouldn’t I be able to see that through their actions and the way they live their life? Yes! Now if others are saying this about him, that’s great because they can see it in their lives, actions, and words. (I’m going to rant here for a second. I’ve been told WAY too many times “I’m a good guy” and I’ve taken that for truth, why not, they haven’t done anything thus far for me not to believe them? Naive. They also hadn’t done anything for me to believe that except for just saying the words. It has ALWAYS turned out that this “good guy” has been an act, in most cases just to get the girl.) I am being bitter or realistic? I’m not sure.
b.Well I want a guy who I can see is a good guy, who is a growing Christian man, and not only I know it but everyone around him knows it, not because he said it but because it’s visible.

I’m going to list, explain, and back up with scripture qualities of a real “good guy.” These are discussed in the book Lady in Waiting and compliment and go into greater detail as to what I described I was looking for in a guy. These are my convictions in what the right guy possesses:

Puts the needs of others ahead of his own. This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned. He will continue to love someone because of his commitment to that person, not because of how he feels.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others (Philippians 2:3-4)

Rejoices in his relationship with Christ. You don’t have to ask this man if he is a Christian. His joy in the Lord is evident in his life.

These things I have spoken to you, so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full (John 15:11)

Maintains proper relationships. This man seeks a good relationship with everyone—from his friends to his parents. He listens to differing perspectives without feeling threatened. He has the strength to back off from a fight. He works to forgive wrongs done to him and seeks to make his own offenses right. He will not hold a grudge.

Pursue peace with all men…(Hebrews 12:14)

Refuses to jump ahead of God’s timing. He is not so eager to be something, do something, or have something that he cannot wait on God’s timing. He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center of God’s will.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him…(Psalm 37:7)

Seeks to meet the practical needs of others. He is not so self-absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy. He is interested in the welfare of others and is willing to give his time, money, and energy for their benefit.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted…(Ephesians 4:32)

Stands for what is right. He hates anything contrary to God’s holy character. He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works.

There will be …glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good…(Romans 2:9-10)

Follows through on his God-given responsibilities. He uses the talents God has given him and realizes that “he + Jesus= adequacy for any God given job.” He is neither overconfident nor absorbed with feelings of inferiority. He is not a dreamer, wishing for more ability, but a diligent steward o the talents he has been given. The man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it’s completed.

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV).

Understands the importance of feelings and emotions. Some women may find themselves attracted to a demanding man, assuming that is dominance will be their security. Other women may marry a doormat they can dominate, but inevitably end up despising the man’s weakness. A gentle man is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with gentle response toward the other’s feelings.

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12).

Flees temptations to compromise. This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure. He does not entertain friendships that lead to drunkenness or carousing. He avoids talk that could cause strife or jealousy. This man does not allow a temper to control him or anger to destroy him.

Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit (Proverbs 25:28).


I feel this list can be classified under the umbrella of the qualities I’ve listed above for what I’m looking for in a guy; they are said better in more detail. It seems like a lot of qualities and pretty picky! But these qualities are not unrealistic ideals. When a man follows Jesus, the Holy Spirit works these into his life. You want to marry someone for the qualities he possesses now, not for the qualities you hope he will develop. The most common mistake made by marriage partners is marrying someone they intend to change. I think this is so true, a woman finds a guy who she really likes, perhaps because of looks, money, or whatever reason; and they think: When he is with me he will see this better life and what is really worth living for, settle down, and will become this and that kind of guy…yadda yadda yadda. I’m SOOO guilty of that but it doesn’t work, at all. Don’t look for a guy who has potential in possessing the qualities you are looking for, there is one out there that already does or will in the future-with God’s help. That is less work for you and me when you’re trying to evoke these qualities out of a guy, you might as well just wait for them and him in Gods time, he is the only one who can do it! Who knows, it could be that guy with potential you end up with but wait and let him figure out what it means to be a “good guy” and focus on your walk with God, as opposed to your walk with Mr. Right now.


Do you know what your convictions are in life? Not just in finding a guy but perhaps convictions of what you stand for? Whatever they are; stick to them, compromising nothing.

"Lady of Busy-ness"

I've already said what I've DONE in all my Busy glory but here's a few pictures from Panama and the Women's retreat! Don't forget to read the post below this one!

Lady of Contentment

Hello fellow Blog readers! I have not abandoned you! I have to play catch up for everything I have read and I did not know where to start but, got to start somewhere.

Here’s what I have DONE since I last wrote: Things happened that shook up my life and tested a lot of the qualities I have talked about on here. I have gone to Panama for a week. I have been on a women’s retreat and on a personal retreat myself!

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about what a retreat was and couldn’t help but get a visual image in my mind. Me, standing in a field with all my fears, enemies, worst nightmares, worst thoughts, mean people, untrue yet haunting words, all waiting to attack me as I stand right in front of them like a battle was about to happen. Then I turn around and run in the other direction yelling, “Retreat!” So where have I retreated to? God’s hands. I’ve taken the past month or so to really retreat to him and “see the finer things in life.” Trying to stay connected to him and to the truth. I can’t help but wonder why so many times I’m in that same field standing nose to nose with everything negative like it is my battle to fight and more importantly my issues to control and solve, like I have the answers. I don’t have the answers though and that is why I’ve retreated and done my best to give it to him and trust in God’s will and plan for me.

So! Playing Blog catch up! I left off at being a Lady of Contentment. Satisfaction, happiness, and ease are some of the synonyms for contentment a.k.a. being patient and waiting. Here’s the main point: Waiting is not to cause suffering, but prevent it. Women experience so much needless pain when they run ahead of God’s format. AMEN!! Now, I’ve already discussed my “displeasure” with waiting and not being in control but this explanation in the book (Lady in Waiting, Becoming God’s best) makes perfect sense as it relates to relationships. The chapter discusses what they call “defrauding,” being led on and getting your hopes up only to be let down. Defrauding can be done by males, females, and ourselves to ourselves! Girls are really bad about doing this to ourselves and to our friends. When a girl-friend goes out on a first date, or a guy expresses interest in her, girls immediately start fantasizing about the future and what could be and how perfect things will be, and we haven’t even met the guy, but we’ve got it planned out! Our friend’s egg us on joining in the fantasizing and put even more ideas in our head and it keeps going and going, until it comes to an abrupt stop when the guy doesn’t call or pull through or these plans are not the ones God has for us. So then we’re sad, mad, disappointment, and in emotional distress and pain because our fantasy didn’t play out! OUR FAULT!!

“A gift greater than simply sharing your friends’ joy is to encourage your friend not to run ahead of the relationship through prenuptial fantasies. Many tears have been shed over relationships that never materialized except in one’s dreams.”- Lady in Waiting

We do it to ourselves and our friends by getting ahead of God’s plan and making our own! Now, girls aren’t the only ones to blame for this defrauding of women. Men defraud women too by instilling false hopes and acting interested even when they’re not, using “cutesy pet names” when they’re not interested, we misread intentions, etc. Thing about guys doing this Is, they’re typically clueless they’re doing it! So we need to take action and recognize these things, not read into them, clear things up in the beginning, set intentions and feelings straight, stop daydreaming as much, and be a good friend when you see it happening to them! This goes for ourselves too, if you’re thinking, “Oh I don’t day dream and create false hopes,” you lie! Sure guys may not do it as much but girls…we’re all guilty of this! Save yourself the pain and heartache!

Personal confession time! I am a huge day dreamer!!! I come up with all sorts of stuff for every scenario you can imagine!! I enjoy it! BUT I also confess it has caused me heartache and total unnecessary pain because I’ve gotten ahead of not only myself but ahead of what God had for me and thought my plan was ‘better’. Silly me but, cut me a little slack? I drive roughly 4 hours a day…what’s a girl to do right? I’m getting better at not day dreaming so much though. Instead I put in a good praise and worship CD and pray and think about stuff like…what to blog about  (and work of course).

Lady of Contentment offers an eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not defraud thyself.

“Whether married or single, one must learn that it is Jesus who strengthens you to walk in the most dismal or delightful of circumstances. True contentment is learned. You are not born with it and you cannot buy it at one of Kmart’s blue-light specials. Your classroom for learning is your daily life. Every shattered dream or unfulfilled expectation serves as a perfect opportunity to learn contentment. These circumstances are your classroom assignments for learning the mystery of contentment. Learning contentment will require complete dependence upon Jesus, for difficult circumstances without the strength of Jesus can rob you of potential contentment. Do not be deceived into thinking you do not need Jesus’ strength to face the good circumstances as well as the bad. When the sun is shining with no clouds in sight, you may assume that you can securely bask in the sunshine without any prospect of rain; however, this full feeling can easily breed a tendency to ignore Jesus. “Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’” (Prov. 30:9a)”

Ahhh Learning contentment and trusting in the lord is just what I’ve been practicing and trying to learn. (Retreat!) I have been so blessed with great family, friends, and church family, and positive surroundings to help train me to become a lady of contentment. No lie, It’s hard! I told you I’m a day dreamer but I’m learning.

Learning every day with your help, self-help, and most of all, Jesus’ help; we can learn to be women of contentment.

My Lady of Contentment Prayer: Heavenly father please guide my thoughts and words to not get ahead of your will. Please grant me peace and patience to see that your plan is not disregarded by mine and my fantasies. AMEN!

Laura Kay

Slight Change in Plans

I am reading much faster than I am having time to blog about it!! I've read about 3 books since my last post so I'll just be...posting about whatever topic tickles my fancy! Just not right now...cause I've got to go to church! Oh! and I need to fill everyone in on the Panama trip and put up pictures...I'll get around to it I promise! Catch ya later!