Saturday, May 30, 2009

Lady of Conviction

A conviction is a set of standards that serve as a springboard for your choices. Being a lady of conviction and having standards, as it relates to the book’s topics, means “avoiding Bozos.”

“Do you think your ideals and standards are too high? Do you feel the pressure to compromise and settle for the generic version of life? Ruth lived in an era that was exactly like modern America. Judges 21:25 describes the era in which she lived: “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” We too live in a culture where it seems that no one fears God and people just “do their own thing.”

Living by your steady convictions can seem…tiresome and pointless, trust me I know! Today, yours and my standards are tested daily and we are pressured to compromise and drop some of standards we set so that we can find Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. I’m going to go off on a tangent right now but in psychological studies and research when people are offered 10,000 dollars but they have to wait 15 years to get it OR get 5,000 dollars and get it right now people choose the 5,000 because it’s immediate gratification. We as a people want it right now! We would rather have the short term benefits than waiting for something better. The same concept applies for Mr. Right. Many women today are willing to settle for a guy who may not care for them or who they don’t truly care for, only because he is there and we have a fear we won’t be able to find anyone else and no one wants to end up alone. Does that seem right to you? What benefits and drawbacks will you have to endure to get Mr. Right (10,000 dollars) instead of Mr. Right now (5,000 dollars)?

In recent events I’ve been asked this question a lot lately: “So what are you looking for in a guy, Laura?”

I’ve answered in two different ways:

1.I’m looking for a guy who is a spiritual leader and has God as #1 in their life.
a.Explanation: A guy who is involved in the church, outreach, striving to be the best they can be; for himself and for the benefit of others.
b.I have felt in past relationships I have been the “spiritual leader”- encouraging the other person to become closer to God to do the right thing etc. This isn’t a bad thing but I want a guy who already has this drive to become closer to God etc. BUT who also can encourage me, learn together, and grow closer to God together-because we both want to; not because they’re being strained to.

2.I’m looking for a good guy. (This one has a bit of explanation)
a.When I meet a guy I hear the same response come out of their mouth many times: “I’m a good guy.” As soon as I hear that, my red flag goes up. If they are truly a good guy, why do they have to tell me? Shouldn’t I be able to see that through their actions and the way they live their life? Yes! Now if others are saying this about him, that’s great because they can see it in their lives, actions, and words. (I’m going to rant here for a second. I’ve been told WAY too many times “I’m a good guy” and I’ve taken that for truth, why not, they haven’t done anything thus far for me not to believe them? Naive. They also hadn’t done anything for me to believe that except for just saying the words. It has ALWAYS turned out that this “good guy” has been an act, in most cases just to get the girl.) I am being bitter or realistic? I’m not sure.
b.Well I want a guy who I can see is a good guy, who is a growing Christian man, and not only I know it but everyone around him knows it, not because he said it but because it’s visible.

I’m going to list, explain, and back up with scripture qualities of a real “good guy.” These are discussed in the book Lady in Waiting and compliment and go into greater detail as to what I described I was looking for in a guy. These are my convictions in what the right guy possesses:

Puts the needs of others ahead of his own. This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned. He will continue to love someone because of his commitment to that person, not because of how he feels.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others (Philippians 2:3-4)

Rejoices in his relationship with Christ. You don’t have to ask this man if he is a Christian. His joy in the Lord is evident in his life.

These things I have spoken to you, so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full (John 15:11)

Maintains proper relationships. This man seeks a good relationship with everyone—from his friends to his parents. He listens to differing perspectives without feeling threatened. He has the strength to back off from a fight. He works to forgive wrongs done to him and seeks to make his own offenses right. He will not hold a grudge.

Pursue peace with all men…(Hebrews 12:14)

Refuses to jump ahead of God’s timing. He is not so eager to be something, do something, or have something that he cannot wait on God’s timing. He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center of God’s will.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him…(Psalm 37:7)

Seeks to meet the practical needs of others. He is not so self-absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy. He is interested in the welfare of others and is willing to give his time, money, and energy for their benefit.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted…(Ephesians 4:32)

Stands for what is right. He hates anything contrary to God’s holy character. He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works.

There will be …glory and honor and peace to everyone who does good…(Romans 2:9-10)

Follows through on his God-given responsibilities. He uses the talents God has given him and realizes that “he + Jesus= adequacy for any God given job.” He is neither overconfident nor absorbed with feelings of inferiority. He is not a dreamer, wishing for more ability, but a diligent steward o the talents he has been given. The man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it’s completed.

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV).

Understands the importance of feelings and emotions. Some women may find themselves attracted to a demanding man, assuming that is dominance will be their security. Other women may marry a doormat they can dominate, but inevitably end up despising the man’s weakness. A gentle man is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with gentle response toward the other’s feelings.

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12).

Flees temptations to compromise. This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure. He does not entertain friendships that lead to drunkenness or carousing. He avoids talk that could cause strife or jealousy. This man does not allow a temper to control him or anger to destroy him.

Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit (Proverbs 25:28).

I feel this list can be classified under the umbrella of the qualities I’ve listed above for what I’m looking for in a guy; they are said better in more detail. It seems like a lot of qualities and pretty picky! But these qualities are not unrealistic ideals. When a man follows Jesus, the Holy Spirit works these into his life. You want to marry someone for the qualities he possesses now, not for the qualities you hope he will develop. The most common mistake made by marriage partners is marrying someone they intend to change. I think this is so true, a woman finds a guy who she really likes, perhaps because of looks, money, or whatever reason; and they think: When he is with me he will see this better life and what is really worth living for, settle down, and will become this and that kind of guy…yadda yadda yadda. I’m SOOO guilty of that but it doesn’t work, at all. Don’t look for a guy who has potential in possessing the qualities you are looking for, there is one out there that already does or will in the future-with God’s help. That is less work for you and me when you’re trying to evoke these qualities out of a guy, you might as well just wait for them and him in Gods time, he is the only one who can do it! Who knows, it could be that guy with potential you end up with but wait and let him figure out what it means to be a “good guy” and focus on your walk with God, as opposed to your walk with Mr. Right now.

Do you know what your convictions are in life? Not just in finding a guy but perhaps convictions of what you stand for? Whatever they are; stick to them, compromising nothing.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Lady of Busy-ness"

I've already said what I've DONE in all my Busy glory but here's a few pictures from Panama and the Women's retreat! Don't forget to read the post below this one!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Lady of Contentment

Hello fellow Blog readers! I have not abandoned you! I have to play catch up for everything I have read and I did not know where to start but, got to start somewhere.

Here’s what I have DONE since I last wrote: Things happened that shook up my life and tested a lot of the qualities I have talked about on here. I have gone to Panama for a week. I have been on a women’s retreat and on a personal retreat myself!

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about what a retreat was and couldn’t help but get a visual image in my mind. Me, standing in a field with all my fears, enemies, worst nightmares, worst thoughts, mean people, untrue yet haunting words, all waiting to attack me as I stand right in front of them like a battle was about to happen. Then I turn around and run in the other direction yelling, “Retreat!” So where have I retreated to? God’s hands. I’ve taken the past month or so to really retreat to him and “see the finer things in life.” Trying to stay connected to him and to the truth. I can’t help but wonder why so many times I’m in that same field standing nose to nose with everything negative like it is my battle to fight and more importantly my issues to control and solve, like I have the answers. I don’t have the answers though and that is why I’ve retreated and done my best to give it to him and trust in God’s will and plan for me.

So! Playing Blog catch up! I left off at being a Lady of Contentment. Satisfaction, happiness, and ease are some of the synonyms for contentment a.k.a. being patient and waiting. Here’s the main point: Waiting is not to cause suffering, but prevent it. Women experience so much needless pain when they run ahead of God’s format. AMEN!! Now, I’ve already discussed my “displeasure” with waiting and not being in control but this explanation in the book (Lady in Waiting, Becoming God’s best) makes perfect sense as it relates to relationships. The chapter discusses what they call “defrauding,” being led on and getting your hopes up only to be let down. Defrauding can be done by males, females, and ourselves to ourselves! Girls are really bad about doing this to ourselves and to our friends. When a girl-friend goes out on a first date, or a guy expresses interest in her, girls immediately start fantasizing about the future and what could be and how perfect things will be, and we haven’t even met the guy, but we’ve got it planned out! Our friend’s egg us on joining in the fantasizing and put even more ideas in our head and it keeps going and going, until it comes to an abrupt stop when the guy doesn’t call or pull through or these plans are not the ones God has for us. So then we’re sad, mad, disappointment, and in emotional distress and pain because our fantasy didn’t play out! OUR FAULT!!

“A gift greater than simply sharing your friends’ joy is to encourage your friend not to run ahead of the relationship through prenuptial fantasies. Many tears have been shed over relationships that never materialized except in one’s dreams.”- Lady in Waiting

We do it to ourselves and our friends by getting ahead of God’s plan and making our own! Now, girls aren’t the only ones to blame for this defrauding of women. Men defraud women too by instilling false hopes and acting interested even when they’re not, using “cutesy pet names” when they’re not interested, we misread intentions, etc. Thing about guys doing this Is, they’re typically clueless they’re doing it! So we need to take action and recognize these things, not read into them, clear things up in the beginning, set intentions and feelings straight, stop daydreaming as much, and be a good friend when you see it happening to them! This goes for ourselves too, if you’re thinking, “Oh I don’t day dream and create false hopes,” you lie! Sure guys may not do it as much but girls…we’re all guilty of this! Save yourself the pain and heartache!

Personal confession time! I am a huge day dreamer!!! I come up with all sorts of stuff for every scenario you can imagine!! I enjoy it! BUT I also confess it has caused me heartache and total unnecessary pain because I’ve gotten ahead of not only myself but ahead of what God had for me and thought my plan was ‘better’. Silly me but, cut me a little slack? I drive roughly 4 hours a day…what’s a girl to do right? I’m getting better at not day dreaming so much though. Instead I put in a good praise and worship CD and pray and think about stuff like…what to blog about  (and work of course).

Lady of Contentment offers an eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not defraud thyself.

“Whether married or single, one must learn that it is Jesus who strengthens you to walk in the most dismal or delightful of circumstances. True contentment is learned. You are not born with it and you cannot buy it at one of Kmart’s blue-light specials. Your classroom for learning is your daily life. Every shattered dream or unfulfilled expectation serves as a perfect opportunity to learn contentment. These circumstances are your classroom assignments for learning the mystery of contentment. Learning contentment will require complete dependence upon Jesus, for difficult circumstances without the strength of Jesus can rob you of potential contentment. Do not be deceived into thinking you do not need Jesus’ strength to face the good circumstances as well as the bad. When the sun is shining with no clouds in sight, you may assume that you can securely bask in the sunshine without any prospect of rain; however, this full feeling can easily breed a tendency to ignore Jesus. “Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’” (Prov. 30:9a)”

Ahhh Learning contentment and trusting in the lord is just what I’ve been practicing and trying to learn. (Retreat!) I have been so blessed with great family, friends, and church family, and positive surroundings to help train me to become a lady of contentment. No lie, It’s hard! I told you I’m a day dreamer but I’m learning.

Learning every day with your help, self-help, and most of all, Jesus’ help; we can learn to be women of contentment.

My Lady of Contentment Prayer: Heavenly father please guide my thoughts and words to not get ahead of your will. Please grant me peace and patience to see that your plan is not disregarded by mine and my fantasies. AMEN!

Laura Kay

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Slight Change in Plans

I am reading much faster than I am having time to blog about it!! I've read about 3 books since my last post so I'll just be...posting about whatever topic tickles my fancy! Just not right now...cause I've got to go to church! Oh! and I need to fill everyone in on the Panama trip and put up pictures...I'll get around to it I promise! Catch ya later!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Lady of Purity and Lady of Security

I’m choosing to address the next two chapters in my book in the same blog. Being a Lady of Purity and Lady of Security go hand in hand in my opinion and lead to one another.

We all know what the word purity means but I decided to look it up anyway. Here is the definition online from

1. The condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc
2. Freedom of any admixture or modifying addiction
3. Ceremonial or ritual cleanness
4. Freedom from guilt or evil; innocence
5. Physical chastity; virginity
6. Freedom from foreign or inappropriate elements; careful correctness
7. The chroma, saturation, or degree of freedom of white of a given color
8. Cleanness or spotlessness, as of garments

The word that jumped out at me in all the multitudes of definitions was the word freedom. We all know that being a Lady of Purity would mostly relate to the 5th definition. But in reading all the others; I found it interesting that purity could mean freedom of many things. In today’s world being a Lady of Purity is seen as a confinement, a limitation in life; when in fact it’s the direct opposite—it’s freedom. I encourage you to think about how being a Lady (or man) of Purity could be a freedom and provide freedom of so many negative things, thoughts, and feelings in our lives. Really think about it!

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you expect what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Leading into being a Lady of Security, I think everyone would agree that some girls and women think that getting the guys and perhaps not being a lady of purity will get them the acceptance and love they crave. But as the author of Lady in Waiting asks, “Why do women tend to “go after the guys”? Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? You find the answer in one word: insecurity. An insecure woman has her world centered on something (marriage) or someone (Mr. Right) that can be lost or taken away. Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can.”

When a woman wrote into an advice column and asked “What can I do to get him to notice me?” This was the advice given:

“My answer is ‘nothing.’ That is, nothing toward the man.

Don’t call him. Don’t write a little note with a smiley face or a flower or a fish under the signature or put it in his campus mailbox. Don’t slide up to him in the hall and gasp, ‘I’ve just got to talk to you!’ Don’t look woebegone, don’t ignore him, don’t pursue him, don’t do him favors, don’t talk about him to a nine carefully selected listeners.

There is one thing you can do: turn the whole business over to God. If he’s the man God has for you, ‘No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Ps. 84:11). Direct your energies to obedience, not to nailing the man. God has His own methods of getting the two of you together. He doesn’t need any help or advice from you.”

This is not saying to never do nice things for a man, EVER! It’s simply warning you to check your motives. A woman with selfish motivation mentally plots the next maneuver to capture the attention of the man of her dreams. As the author calls it, do a little “heart flossing” asking the Lord to remove any impure motives before you act. Manipulation and maneuvering can be deadly. If you maneuver to get a man, you will have to maneuver to keep him. So next time you find yourself bending over backwards to do something nice for a guy (or girl for my male readers), ask yourself what your motives are. Would you do the same thing for a friend who you’re not “going after?” Check yo self! That is “Motive Check” yo self!

Trust in the lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord trust in him and he will do this; he will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. – Psalm 37: 4-7

To be a Lady of Security and Lady of Purity is to experience all the joy God provides for you and trusting in him TO provide that Joy and love. My prayer for you (and myself) is that you be secure in his words and your knowledge of his teaching, that he will provide the desires of your heart.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Lady of Devotion

The Single Gift

How blessed you are, you single one,
Don’t talk of care and woes.
You’ve got too much to be thankful for.
Oh what, you’d like to know.

It’s no mistake, no misdirection
Of God’s perfect plan
That you’ve not found your special lady
Or you, that certain man.

God loves you so and has much more
To give than you’ve ever received.
That He’s giving His best to you right now,
You really must believe.

His best is Himself, do you have it in full
Or only a bit on the side.
No man can meet your needs like God,
Nor can a lovely bride.

If your life’s not complete, you know that Jesus is
And your life He will fill
If you’ll only put Him first each day
And live to do His will.

He’s gifted you for undistracted
Devotion to the Lord.
There should be nothing that can interfere
With Him and prayer and the World.

Unless you let down the guard of your heart
And let others take His place,
Then you’ll lack joy and peace and hope
And not experience his grace.

So give your heart right back to God,
Let Him keep it safe for you.
And when it’s better than His best,
He’ll make your one into two.

Donna L. Mihura

Many seek God, but only for His hand. They don’t want God as much as they want something from God, such as a man, happiness, or a family. This impure search for God is limited to what you can get. It is more of a self-love than a God-love. This seeking will end is misery, not in the union of love you desire. God cannot be used like your credit card. He knows your motives. To grow in your knowledge of God, you must seek God correctly, which means you must also seek God with a pure heart.

God has given you a precious privileged time. Don’t waste a day of it! You will never have it again. These days can be treasure-finding days in your Kingly Father’s chambers. As you linger at the window ledge searching for a glimmer of your knight’s shining armor, don’t miss the jewels your Father has for you to adorn yourself. Will you grow cold and bitter at the window still, or will you hold your royal head high, glowing in your Father’s love and attention. The choice remains with you, dear princess. Your Father will not force you to turn from the window, but He longs to fellowship with you. Come into His chambers, delight in His Presence. May you be found in Him—a Lady of Devotion.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Lady of Virtue

How in the world can I try to write a blog after the season finale of The Bachelor a.k.a The Jerk. I haven’t even kept up the entire season I’ve just watched an episode here and there and the Finale of course but…seriously? Did he just do that on after the final rose? Wow. Sometimes I guess you just never know which way things are going to go and no sure thing is ever a sure thing! (But really, do those relationships ever work out, we’re on season 13 and one out of 13 have worked out so not good odds)

Let’s talk about being a Lady of Virtue, which I believe Melissa was by the way. He he. Ok I’ll drop the bachelor references at least to make it through being a Lady of Virtue.

As the weekend was coming to a close and I spent some GREAT time with a great friend having great conversation, I decided to read the next chapter of my book. I wasn’t surprised at all that it was exactly the same thing me and my friend had been talking about just minutes before! My very dear friend and I have been going through an almost identical situation and luckily we have each other to go through it with. We talked about the fact that sometimes we can get caught up in our situations that swirl around us in life that sometimes we lose sight of who we are and who we pride ourselves on being; a lady of virtue.

The chapter beings by describing the journey of a pearl. We all know that pearls are made from a grain of sand trapped in an oyster shell so I’m not going to go into the detail about it other than the grain of sand is irritated by the rubbing of the tissue and so on. The author continues to show that many single women view themselves as the ugly oyster shell as opposed to the piece inside of us, our heart, which creates who we really are through the trials and tribulations of singleness (our piece of sand that is being made into a perfect pearl). There are many examples through the bible that can show us that it’s the inner character that matters most, and we’ve all heard our parents and advisors say the same thing too, so this is not news!

Something to keep in mind, the way that we view a situation and ourselves differ from the way God views it. “An ugly oyster shell is an unlikely place to find a lovely gem, but Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways…” You may see an ugly shell, but God sees the beauty He is creating in you. Are the sands of singleness causing you bitterness right now, or are you allowing these trials to change you into a pearl? The Lord wants you to be a Lady of Virtue-a costly, beautiful pearl for all to admire.”

Today’s society teaches us that it is looks that get the guy but God shows us that true beauty is wisdom, kindness, and godliness. “Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:4 The author poses the question of what characteristics a true godly man is looking for-think about if he should be after your looks which fade or your heart which continues to grow and be made into a pearl with virtuous qualities. What kind of guy do you want and what do you want him to be after? We all want our prince, right?

I can’t help but think about the classic prince and princess stories that are read to us as children and still pressed into our minds as adults. How do you become a princess? What makes a princess a true princess?

“To marry a prince, you must first become a princess. To marry into royalty, you must be appropriately prepared. A princess has to learn how to properly act, dress, and speak so she would honor the royal family. Is it any wonder that a heavenly princess must prepare inwardly for the calling to which she will give her life? As you set your attention on developing godly character, Christ will change you into the beautiful princess He created you to be.”

Ok so how to prepare, what to strive for? The author provides a list of qualities that a Lady of Virtue would encompass or strive for: A person to whom all people are attracted (friendly), seeking God first, Interesting-with goals for yourself personally, becoming the lady God wants you to be, realistic, truly interested in the person you date and his best interests, one who is spiritually challenging, one who gives friendship, communicates verbally, committed to trusting God, prepared for lasting friendships, open to other friendships, secure in the Lord, building positive qualities in yourself, trusting God, and patiently waiting. These qualities would truly make for a princess. I truly believe that these are not hard qualities to possess, AS LONG as the Lord is in your heart and mind in what you think and do. I can’t help but think back to my conversation with my friend and we talked about these qualities and how sometimes we drop one or two or more of them because we get so wrapped up in…junk! As long as we remember who is at the top of our list of priorities (God) and we strive to grow in him and keep him on top, we can all be princesses! Isn’t that what everyone told us in the first place when we were little girls? Well good news is its true!

I’m not going to go into much of my personal life with this one but I will admit that due to recent stressful situations I have slacked off on becoming the princess I want to be. The thing about dropping a quality or two (i.e. being friendly etc.) of becoming a princess is quite dramatic actually and can have further effects you may not have considered. It’s noticed by many people who expect all these qualities of you, it’s what attracted them to you in the first place, and when you drop them, it makes you less attractive to them; this could turn into a vicious cycle if you think about it! A situation causing you to drop a quality hence losing “support” hence being discouraged and dropping another quality and so on! I want to encourage whoever needs some encouragement (as I think we all could use it) to not lose sight of becoming a princess and becoming who God intends for us to be; a pearl. Remember your value to the Lord and to those around you.

I am so grateful for my wonderful friend and her insight and friendship! But she brought this (paragraph above) to my attention and gave me insight and advice to become that person again who people were attracted to and fell in love with and not to let the situations I face change who I am, because that will only make the situation worse. I shall continue and strive to be a lady of Virtue! Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone be happy all the time and never have a negative thought or feeling EVER! Emotions are real and there are bad ones too and they are meant to be felt! They are not meant to run our lives and dictate who we are though. Trust me there are bad emotions, such as the emotions I share with Melissa on Jason’s actions tonight on The Bachelor! Still shocked. But if you’re reading this remember that no matter how rough you get rubbed, you’re the pearl in the making.

I feel like this blog was somewhat jumpy and not as well put together as others but, It’s getting late! Goodnight!