Start of something new: Previous Blogs

Last night I was having a phone conversation with a person (whom will remain nameless) and I became upset with them and quite frankly I was going to let it ruin my night. When I got off the phone though a light bulb came on: Why am I letting a person determine my mood, actions, and thoughts that much? The only person who I should let do that is Jesus. He is in total control over me not some other individual. I started to think about my life and priorities and felt that I had somehow let them get mixed up a bit! Jesus has always been a huge part of me and my life but in recent times and events I had been putting other people, work, or what have you in front of him. Shame on me!

After realizing I needed to get things back on track I started to think how I could accomplish this and make sure he is always #1 on my list of priorities. A friend of mine and I have been discussing books/bible studies we could read to help us get even closer to God. We have asked other people for reccomendations and one of them was a book called Lady in Waiting: Becoming Gods best while waiting for Mr. Right. I looked the book up online along with many many others and decided to just go to Barnes and Noble and spend some time there finding the right book for me. Those of you who know me very well know that I did go to the book store with a list of books and authors I had found online, ready and prepared to take a closer look at them! I had a list of about 6 books. Barnes and Noble only had one of them: Lady in Waiting. (A sign??) Since I really had no other choice but to take a closer look at this one book I did and liked what I saw, it was not only a chapter book but had a "thoughts to mediate" section, study guide and journal. Who doesnt love a study guide more than me??? Thats right, so I got it and decided to embark on a journey to become Gods best.

I will say this though...I also bought two other books: 20 something 20 everything which yes...is a self improvement questions to ponder book for figuring out your quarter life! Great place to meet people eh? Self improvement section at the book store? hehe Anyway! I also gave into temptation and got....Twilight. Come on! After all the buzz I have to check it out!

Ok back on track here. I got home and started to thumb through Lady in Waiting making a plan of attack. I decided to read the chapter, the correlating study guide and meditation for the given topic but answer the questions and thoughts the next day to give it time to process and develop a clear outlook on the topic! I read the first chapter: Lady of Reckless Abandonment which I'll go into more detail about in a later post BUT thats when I decided to keep a blog with my thoughts (mostly cause I type a lot faster than I can write!) But also because I enjoy feedback and encouragement from others, and want you to go on this journey with me!

So! I started to think about previous blogs that I had done roughly a year ago and wanted to post them on my fresh new blog because I want to refer back to them after reading the first chapter of Lady in Waiting. The old blogs talk about two things: Love and Career. Sure they mention God in them and his influence on my life but he wasnt the main topic or conern in my life. So as of right now I'd like everyone and everything to stand up, pick up your stuff, and move down one on my list of priorities, and get comfortable, because I'm putting God back at number one where he should be. Number one influence in my life; all good things come through him. So, hope everyone/everything is good with where they landed on my list of priorities and don't mind being bumped; but Im making it right. Deal! :)

Ok So here are my previous blogs, yes they're long, but I want to refer back to them when I start blogging about my Journey of Becoming Gods best! (PS. those of you who havent read these previous blogs....they're good, at least I think so!)

I'll be back to post about the first chapter of Lady in Waiting either tonight or tomorrow! Enjoy and have a blessed day!

One last thing: Not only will I use this for my book and what not, I'll use it as a regular blog so there will be other stuff thrown in (a good reciepe here and there and other thoughts!)

Friday, February 29, 2008
So what are you going to do now?? Current mood: thoughtful
I despise that question right now.

No matter what I answer, I get the feeling I've disappointed someone.

Why though? I worked my rear off in school and graduated early, FROM COLLEGE! I have a bachelor's degree in Psychology and minor in Human Development and Family Studies, some accomplishment right? Right? So why do I feel like I could have done better or need to be doing more when people ask me that horrible little question? I'm not sure, but I do.

I haven't had a break from school in a long time. I've taken summer classes since my junior year in High School. My life has been school nonstop and now that I have stopped and get to relax I feel like I'm being looked down upon for not jumping right back into more school.

What if I don't want to go to grad school? What if I find something else that makes me happy? What if, What if, What if…?!

Here's what I'm doing: I'm exploring my options! Looking at careers, grad schools, you name it, I've looked.

Shall we analyze this? Lets!

According to Erikson I would be somewhere between his stages of Identity vs. Role Confusion and Intimacy vs. Isolation. How awkward to be an "in-between." Not a teen still not quite classified as an adult? I consider myself to be pretty darn adult like, but that's just me. Anyway, so what does that mean? Oh yes I not only get to figure out the virtue of fidelity to who I am but also love? Splendid! So not even going there!

According to the theory of behaviorism I could be conditioned as a result of practice and experience. Well I definitely have experience of being quite critical of myself and being a perfectionist. Maybe in some way my environment has conditioned me to try and try to over perform and not be satisfied? Hm, that's deep, moving on.

According to Piaget's theory of cognitive development I am in the formal operational stage along with everyone else over the age of twelve. Thinking abstractly, drawing conclusions, and being able to understand complex thoughts such as values, shades of gray, and love. There's that love thing again thrown into the mix! Still not going there!

According to Kohlberg's theory of moral development maybe he would say I'm in the conventional stage mixed with a little of post-conventional. Another "in-between" stage! In one I'm trying to fill social roles and live up to expectations (obviously) and in the other figuring out functioning in society. Sounds about right to me, exactly what I'm struggling with!

What about Maslow's hieratical needs, what can that say for me as far as meeting all my esteem needs? Physiological: hunger, thirst, bodily comforts: CHECK. Safety/security: out of danger: CHECK. Belongingness and Love: affiliate with others and be accepted: There's that love thing again! Whatever, I'm giving myself a CHECK. Esteem: to achieve, be competent, gain approval and recognition…..ah ha! No check there, hence the lowered self esteem lately! But do my given check and no check mean I'm somewhere in-between again!?

Without going into other theorists such as Freud, evolutionary psychology, Vygotsky, and many more, I'm going to say it's safe to say, I'm an in-between right now. In between everything!

So this means wanting to yell I DON'T KNOW, when I'm asked that little question means I'm normal? Yes, I'm in-between stages, in-between choices, in-between school choices, job choices you name it. And it's normal. I just need to get myself to realize that and accept it then maybe I could see everyone else accepting it.

So what AM I going to do now you ask? I still don't know…but it seems a bit more normal not to know the answer to that question right now. I'll figure it out one of these days as I always do!

Maybe that's my problem, I analyze too much.

Here's what I know: I love working with the kids up at the church which has taken up quite a bit of my time lately, I love cooking which I've gotten to do lately, I love being a good friend and helping wherever I can and I've done that lately, and I love it! It makes me happy and I'm so enjoying it!

So, what about that "love" thing thrown in there so often for people my age? I analyze that too much too, that's for sure.

I'm going to stop now while I still think I'm normal.

--Laura--


Monday, March 17, 2008
I’m so going there: The missing half of the last blog Current mood: calm
What are you going to do now: follow Up..

First of all let me just say this: I still don’t know! But I’m learning lots.
In that last blog I said I wasn’t going to even go into the whole relationships thing but, relationships are a huge part of life so, I’m so going there.
In the past month, even since I wrote my last blog, I have learned a lot about myself and about others.
Things I have learned:
I can be the most patient person in the world and also the most impatient. When dealing with others (i.e. children), when planning, when performing a task, when talking, and when doing many other things, I am very patient (some may say even to the point of being a perfectionist). But I can be the most impatient person when decisions are not being made. When I don’t know what is going on, in life and in relationships, I can’t stand it! Communication is the key to everything! I have to know and I have to know now so I can prepare or move on or whatever needs to be done. It’s one end of the spectrum to the other!
I can be fooled. I do my best not to judge people according to their past, or anything for that matter. However they treat me and act around me, I assume that is who they are and accept them for just that. I can not decide if this is a good quality or a bad quality. I am 100% undecided! It is not my place to judge people at all but is it possible to be TOO accepting to a point where they fool me or I fool myself about who they are? That is the downfall. When someone turns out to be someone else, I get let down.
I have strong morals and stick to them. These are personal morals and values I have set strictly for myself. I do not impose them on other people, they’re personal. In learning what I learned in number 2 (people aren’t always who they pretend to be,) I found that when put under pressure my morals stand strong. This is a good trait. Right? I think so but sometimes I feel like the idiot who isn’t joining in with the crowd. Sounds dumb right? If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too? NOPE! But when it seems as if you’re the only person with these particular thoughts and values, I start to feel like quite the odd ball in the bunch! Regardless, my morals and values don’t waver, no matter how hard they’re tried.
Since I was and am still learning about myself and who I am, I decided to take a lovely personality assessment and see if I could learn even more. This was a very unique assessment as each question was answered, according to your childhood, and the answers form the results of the person you are today. It deals with relationships and dealing with others. It was a "color" test in that each person is 1 of 4 colors in the end (with an assortment of traits from other colors of course). Here’s what the test revealed about me in my relationships with others.
The Color Code
Definitely Blue
Congratulations, Laura, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life.
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won’t do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others.
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
People like to feel important, especially to their significant other, and you have the natural ability to make that happen. As a BLUE, you tend to be very selfless, and your first thought is always "how will this affect my partner?" You would be willing to sacrifice going out with friends or engaging in an activity that you enjoy on your own to do something less exciting with your significant other - not that they would necessarily ask you to - but just knowing you would is a great feeling.
When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don’t like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.
You Tend To Blame Others For Your Unhappiness
As a BLUE, you hold high standards for yourself and tend to have unrealistic expectations of yourself, your partner, and how things "should be," so when things go wrong, you turn to others, such as your partner, as the source for your unhappiness. You might say to him, "if only you were more attentive / caring / interested / loving (you name it), this wouldn’t have happened." This is obviously not a great way to maintain somebody’s affection.
It’s Hard For You To Relax (You Require A Purpose To Play)
BLUES tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if you are doing things that are not purposeful by your standards, you probably feel guilty about it. Ergo, you tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. Your tendency to be high-strung in this way can be alarming to a potential mate who is stuck wondering if you’ll ever be able to calm down enough to enjoy a life together.
You Need Your Partner To Understand You
As a BLUE, driven by Intimacy, you seek deep, personal connections with your partner. That doesn’t just mean that you want to understand everything about them. You wouldn’t feel that your relationship was complete unless he understood you completely either. You should look for a partner who can move beyond superficial conversation and is willing to understand every bit about what makes you you.
You Need To Feel Appreciated By Your Partner
You love to give openly and always go the extra mile to please your partner. All you desire in return is that he appreciate the effort that you make to do what you do. You will be happiest in finding someone who is comfortable and open in expressing that appreciation and who doesn’t take your 110% effort for granted. You need to be good Morally, You need General Acceptance.
You Want Security
You like stability and security in your relationships and in life in general. You want a partner who communicates in word and deed that he is committed to you so that you always feel on stable ground in the relationship. You also want someone who will establish a solid (and safe) lifestyle with you and not force you to take high stakes risks, although, I would recommend that you be open-minded in this area, because some risks will really do wonders to enhance the quality of your life.
You Want Autonomy
It almost seems paradoxical, because while you do seek meaningful relationships in your life, and enjoy the company of others, you also enjoy your independence to do what you like to do. This is true for most BLUES because you spend so much time caring for others, connecting with them, and worrying about making things perfect, that you like to have your free time not to have to worry about those things.
Top 5 BLUE Turn-Offs: Being non-committal, becoming emotional unavailable or dismissive, demanding spontaneity, promoting too much change, abandoning them, being disloyal
Whew! Lots of information! Most of it is right on with my personality I would say! I couldn’t say it better if I tried! Feel free to think otherwise! One thing this assessment revealed that I already knew is that I am controlling. I like to be in charge and in the know of what’s going on. (Hence my need to drive everywhere? Haha) So, here now is my list of things I need to work on, now that I have learned all of this about myself.
Things I need to work on and tell myself:
Being patient. God is in control, not me, let it go Laura!
Guard myself better and instead of assuming who people are, let time tell, be patient.
There are people with my same values out there. Not everyone appreciates a good girl but the good girl I will stay.
Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up (although I so want to!)
Most importantly: take a risk, step out of my comfort zone and do something out of the box! It could pay off! I’m going to need help with this one! suggestions?
So what am I going to do now until the whole realtionships/love thing figures it’s self out? (cause I’m not messin with it!) I’m going to pass the time doing the things I enjoy as I mentioned in the last blog. It’s doing things such as spending time with children, at church, with God, cooking, being a good friend, a good daughter and sister. Also, I’m loving my newest hobby of painting, who care if a 5 year old could do it, its fun!
And what about career and school???? I don’t know! I’m still working on it but I know whatever I do, I’m going to do great at it.
Maybe I should become a professional blogger? I’m totally rocking at it!

Friday, April 04, 2008
Oh, the Places you’ll go! Current mood: chipper Category: Life
Oh, the Places you’ll go!


I do not think it a coincidence that a certain book fell into my lap this morning.


Let me back up. This week, in preparing for my class of 3-4 year olds on Wednesday for "KidsRHis" at church, I decided the book "Horton Hears a Who" fit perfectly into the lesson about taking time to help others. I went to the bookstore to buy the book as I began looking over all the other Dr. Seuss books. I came across "Oh, the Places you’ll go", and thought back to when this book was read to me in elementary school and also in high school. I did not remember exactly what it said but remembered the jest; you’ll do great things and go great places.


As I came back to work (cause I went to the bookstore on my lunch break) I went into my boss’ office and that dang book was sitting on his desk too! It was staring at me, saying "Oh, the Places you’ll go!" I shrugged it off thinking nothing of it. I’m sure they were planning on using this book as a motivator at some meeting, whatever; it did not pertain to me, right?


That brings me to where I am right now. Right now I am sitting in my office at work, quietly typing away at my desk with this book sitting in front of me, saying, "Oh, the Places you’ll go!" How did I get the book you ask? My boss’ son (who is also my boss) gave it to me. He walked in this morning and said he had ordered it and his dad had too and asked if I wanted it, they didn’t need two. (Obviously I’ve already read it because I rhyme just like the Dr. does!) Either way, he asked me a question when handing it over, he said, "do you know anyone who may want this book?" I thought for just a second and replied yes. I quietly took the book knowing the person who I felt may want the book was me. After all, this book has been popping up in my life randomly for a week and now it was being handed to me; perhaps because I did not pick it up when I had previous chances.


That’s why I don’t consider it an accident this book fell into my lap this morning.


I have just finished reading the book and have many thoughts about it. These are not the same thoughts that I had when the same book was read to me in elementary or even in high school. Nope, much deeper thoughts and also questions.


First, was Dr. Seuss really a doctor? No. There’s a pretty neat story behind it but I’ll spare you. Look it up if you need some entertainment. He was obviously a writer and cartoonist! Which tells me one thing, good advice does not always come from someone smarter, brighter, and more educated or what have you. It can come from a guy who rhymes and draws cartoons; it can also come from those who have experienced whatever you’re experiencing, even those who have not, even from a children’s book, or even a child. Advice and guidance are just that. It could be bad advice or guidance but if you don’t listen you’ll never know.


I’m listening, or in this case reading, since this book was under my nose and eventually dropped in my lap. So let’s get to it.


"Oh, the Places You’ll go!" By: Dr. Seuss
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.


You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care. About some you will say, "I don’t choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street. And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.


Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too. Oh! The places you’ll go!


You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights. You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.


Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t. I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you. You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a lurch. You’ll come down from that lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a slump. And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.


You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…or right and three quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.


You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. The Waiting Place…


…for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for a Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a better break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.


NO! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where boom bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!


Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.


Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t. I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you. All alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot. And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.


But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.


You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.


And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ per cent guaranteed.)
Kid, You’ll move mountains!


So… be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So..get on your way!


THE END!
Whew! When typing that I wanted to break in many times and say see! That’s so me and what I’m going through! I don’t think life could be put any better! Bravo Dr. Seuss! He said it perfectly, even with his rhyming and crazy characters, perfect! Now to pertain this book to me (after all this is my blog): I plowed through school and college, now waiting. In that horrible place Dr. Seuss perfectly describes. Oh he describes it so well. And he’s absolutely right, waiting is not for me but it’s hard to un-slump yourself when you’re in a slump!


I love this book for so many reasons. But the number one thing is that it describes both the highs and the lows of life. It does not sugar coat everything and make life seem perfect, because it’s not. Let’s be honest, sometimes it stinks! I’m still in the same place I was before in my previous blogs with jobs, school, and the dreaded romance department.


Regardless of this slump, this book was given to me at a perfect time. I feel like the mountain I’m supposed to move is coming into view and I can’t wait to start.


Whoever reads this, if you’re going through a similar situation or not, I really hope the book has the same effect and brightens your day and widens your eyes as it did to mine. And remember to listen. The best advice or perspective can come from anywhere as it has for me, in a book for children learning to read.

Friday, May 16, 2008
Amazing Video..
Click or copy/paste the link:

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=15552926

No commentary needed.

Laura